


all these stumbles and falls

by EmmaArthur (EchoBleu)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Needs A Hug, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Meetings, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Magnus Bane Needs A Hug, Mini-Selves as soulmates, Reluctant Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:48:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26543968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EchoBleu/pseuds/EmmaArthur
Summary: Alec has always kept his male, warlock soulmate a secret. He knows he can never have what he wants. On the eve of his wedding to Lydia, he finds himself on a warlock’s doorstep to finally break the bond, and be free to complete his duty to the Clave and his family.It will all be fine.Except that his soulmate mark is desperately clutching at his chest, shaking like a leaf, and its large golden eyes are pooling with tears.And that said mark looks exactly like a tiny version of the warlock who just answered his knock.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 55
Kudos: 351
Collections: Fluff vs. Angst Battle 2020, Mini soulmates





	all these stumbles and falls

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Tiny Soulmates](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26358028) by [SomeSleepySloth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeSleepySloth/pseuds/SomeSleepySloth). 



> This fic was inspired by a prompt and discussion on the Malec Discord server, originally based on this [marvelous fanart](https://twitter.com/youdorahachibei/status/1302584262965698560?s=20). All the credit for the idea to [Lalelilolu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lalelilolu/pseuds/Lalelilolu), [SomeSleepySloth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeSleepySloth/pseuds/SomeSleepySloth) and [slyvir](https://archiveofourown.org/users/slyvir/pseuds/slyvir). This plot bunny got stuck in my head and wrote itself out... 
> 
> [SomeSleepySloth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeSleepySloth/pseuds/SomeSleepySloth) and [slyvir](https://archiveofourown.org/users/slyvir/pseuds/slyvir) have already written amazing fluffy mini-soulmates fics [here](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1916764) and [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26453470), go check them out!
> 
> The title for this fic is from Aisha Badru's Bridges, and it was betaed by [Agent0069](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agent0069/pseuds/Agent0069) (thank you so much).

Alec hesitates, his hand poised on the brass knocker. He’s come all the way here, and the warlock probably already knows he’s here, so he can’t turn back now, but he wants to so much. He can feel his mini-soulmate on his chest, clutching his collar tightly and trembling in fear. He looks down, and the tiny warlock’s golden cat eyes look back at him, full of tears.

“I’m sorry,” Alec murmurs to him. “I have to.” He runs a hand down the mini’s back, trying to appease him, but it’s entirely unsuccessful. How could he succeed, when his own heart is pounding and he has a hard time swallowing around the knot in his throat?

How could he succeed, when he’s essentially come here to kill his little companion?

He’s kept the secret of his warlock soulmate his whole life. Other people can’t see him, so it’s easy enough. The mini fits in his hand easily, wrapping himself around a finger, or he sits in Alec’s pocket with barely a bulge. Once Alec outgrew the age where people easily believed he had an imaginary friend, he realized that carrying around a mini-human visible only to him was not normal. He searched through the whole Institute library, all the heavy, old tomes full of complicated words – and only found a couple of mentions of minis. They’re soulmate marks, he found out. Warlock soulmate marks. Alec has a male warlock soulmate – and that alone would be enough for the Clave to have him deruned.

He dreamed, as a child, that maybe one day his warlock would sweep in and take him away. That was before Jace, before his parents went back to Idris and left Alec and his siblings behind, and Alec became responsible for them. Alec has obligations now, a duty he can’t ignore. He can’t be a Shadowhunter and have a warlock soulmate.

And he can’t get married tomorrow if he still has a warlock soulmate.

So Alec will do whatever it takes, before Lydia draws the Wedded Union rune on him tomorrow, to be free of this weight. Even if the weight in question is the eight ounces of the tearful mini currently tugging at his collar.

The door opens before Alec can find it in himself to knock. Alec looks up in surprise, his eyes sliding up the person on the other side. He sees the red velvet jacket first, the sparkly jewellery around his neck, the spiked hair, the…

Holy shit.

The man in front of him is human-sized, but otherwise an exact match to his mini-soulmate. And he’s staring right at Alec with an expression of shock on his face.

“You’re–” Alec gasps, gesturing wildly.

The warlock blinks and takes a step back. “I’m your soulmate,” he says. “Or rather, you are mine.” He looks down at his hand, and there, curled around a silver ring on his index finger, is a mini version of Alec himself. “How did you find me?”

Alec’s curiosity gets the better of him and he bends down to take a closer look at his mini-self. It’s even wearing a downsized version of his current outfit, down to the laced-up combat boots and the runes on his skin. His own mini’s outfits change every day without him seeming to ever dress himself, but Alec has long renounced trying to understand how the mini-soulmates function. He doesn’t seem to eat, either, but he will lap at Alec’s tears when he’s crying, succeeding, almost without fail, at making him laugh.

The warlock clears his throat loudly. “Can I at least get your name?”

“Sorry,” Alec focuses back on him. Looking at him is uncanny. He looks both identical and different to his mini-version, somehow. The mini has a babyish quality to him, with eyes too large for his body and the ability to climb just about anything like a monkey. This man looks young, but adult all the same, and his eyes are full of shadows. 

“I’m Alexander Lightwood,” Alec says. “From the New York Institute.”

“I knew you were a Shadowhunter because of the runes, but a Lightwood? Seriously?”

“Hey!” Alec frowns at the warlock’s sudden hostility. “You’re Magnus Bane?” That’s the warlock he came to consult, after all.

“I am. Come on in,” Magnus offers. “I suppose we need to talk.”

*

Magnus’ loft is somehow both homely and opulent, not that Alec really notices. He’s here on business, after all, even if Magnus abruptly shoves a cocktail in his hand before he makes him sit on an expensive black leather couch.

Alec is still in shock. He never expected to actually _meet_ his soulmate, let alone tonight of all nights, when he’s getting married tomorrow. What is he supposed to do now? How does he ask his own soulmate to break the bond and set him free? His mini is still clinging to him for dear life, though he’s also stealing curious glances at Magnus.

Magnus doesn’t seem particularly happy to have a Shadowhunter for a soulmate, so maybe this will go smoothly after all. Maybe he’ll want to be free of this forced bond just as much as Alec does.

“So, Alexander, how did you find me?” Magnus asks, sprawling artfully in one of the armchairs. Mini-Alec is now sitting on his shoulder, staring at Alec with comically large eyes. “Is my dashing mug plastered on your Institute’s wall somewhere?”

“No,” Alec answers. “I didn’t actually expect– I came here to seek the High Warlock of Brooklyn.”

“Oh, you’re in need of warlock services. What is it this time? I sure hope my wards are holding up fine, they were a work of art. What does the Institute need from me?”

“Not the Institute,” Alec shakes his head. “Me. I, uh… I came to ask you to break the soulmate bond,” he blurts out. “But I didn’t know that it was...you, so...I don’t know if you can do that.”

Magnus’ face falls, and for a moment, the only thing in his eyes is pure panic. But it doesn’t last. He looks away, swallowing hard, and within seconds his carefully crafted mask of indifference is back on. But Alec is practiced at deciphering this particular face – he’s done it with its smaller counterpart for years – and he can see the devastation underneath.

“You’re in luck, actually,” Magnus drawls out. His hands are squeezing the armrests of his chair so tightly that his knuckles are white. “The only warlock who can break a soulmate bond is the one who is part of the bond.”

“ Really?” Alec asks, and his voice is smaller than he’d like. He realizes that a part of him hoped to be told that breaking the bond was impossible, or too dangerous to be attempted. It would have made things so much more complicated, but also...less painful, maybe. Less  _ wrong. _

His mini tugs at him, asking to be let down. Alec brings his hand up and mini-Magnus grips his finger, only jumping off when he’s a few inches above the coffee table that stands between Alec and Magnus. Alec watches in fascination as he waves shyly at the mini version of Alec still on Magnus’ shoulder, who gracefully climbs down Magnus’ body to join him on the table.

They don’t touch, at first, just observing each other from each side of the table. “Yes,” Magnus says. “If that’s really what you want, I can break the bond.”

“I–” Alec stammers. “Yes. It’s what I want.”

It’s a shame that it’s the moment the minis choose to start holding hands. It undermines Alec’s resolve.

Magnus looks strangely uncertain when Alec looks back up at him. “Is it because I’m a warlock?” he asks quietly. “A Downworlder? Or a man?”

“No, no, it has nothing to do with that,” Alec reassures him, though it does, in a way. “I’m getting married tomorrow.”

“Oh,” Magnus blinks in surprise. He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Yes, of course. I should have guessed.”

Alec doesn’t see why, so he raises an eyebrow.

“I noticed the tuxedo fittings,” Magnus explains, nodding at his mini. “You will look very handsome.”

The minis are playing the mirror game with each other now, ignoring them completely. They’re incredibly distracting, and Alec is having trouble remembering what’s so important about coming here.

Oh, right, he’s here to kill them.

Fuck.

He forcefully looks away from the minis and sighs. “Can you tell me more about them?” he asks, surprising himself. He was going to ask what the breaking of the bond entails but watching the two little guys interact, he finds that he can barely think about it. “This...soulmate bond, what does it mean?”

Magnus’ eyes widen. “You want to know?”

“Yeah, I mean, I’m part of it, right? I’ve always known it was there, but I could never tell anyone. It’s weird, actually, to have something there your whole life and not even knowing – how it works, I guess.”

“Ah,” Magnus blinks. “Right. Of course. Do you know what the minis are for?”

“I researched it, but I didn’t find a whole lot. Just that only warlocks get soulmates and that there were instances of...the bond being broken.”

“Both of those are right, yes,” Magnus says slowly. “We tend to guard information about this carefully because it’s such a...an important part of our culture, I guess. But of course, as a Nephilim, you don’t need to interest yourself in those matters, not if you want our bond to be broken. You can walk out of here and never hear anything about warlock soulmates ever again. In fact, it would probably be the best for you.”

Alec looks down at his mini-soulmate forlornly. He knows that he needs to, but he doesn’t actually want to be parted with this little guy. Mini-Magnus has been a source of comfort and companionship in his loneliest moments, and he’ll truly be sad to let him go.

But, he figures, it’s a little like a pet. You can love them with all your heart, but eventually, they die, and you have to let them go. Not that Alec can imagine getting a cat or something to replace the special relationship he’s had with his mini-soulmate.

“I feel like I at least owe you to take the time to learn,” he says to the human-sized Magnus. “I realize that I’ve come here out of the blue to ask you to renounce _your_ soulmate. This isn’t just about me. What does it mean for you?”

Magnus bites his lip, looking at mini-Alec rather than at Alec. “We think that every warlock is meant to have a soulmate, but many of us die young and never get to meet them. Mini versions of both soulmates appear when the youngest of the two is born. You – I mean he,” Magnus nods to mini-Alec, “came to me twenty-three years ago, on what I assume was the day you were born. I watched him grow.” A watery, nostalgic smile splits his face. “Warlocks – and don’t take this to mean that you have any kind of obligation to me, but warlocks, no matter how old they live, only have one soulmate. Many of my friends who are hundreds of years old have never had the pleasure and many more die before it happens to them.”

“ So it’s, what, one true love?” Alec frowns. Of course, he got an inkling of that when he found out that they were called  _ soulmate marks _ , but he still hoped that that was something of an exaggeration. How could he be the single love of someone like Magnus Bane?

“No, no,” Magnus gestures dismissively. “We can love many times, and most of us do. I have loved mortals and immortals and they did not need to be my soulmates for me to give them my whole heart. No, the purpose of these little guys is elsewhere. They’re a gift.”

“A gift?”

“For both of us, if we were to choose to accept it, which of course we will not. The marks are actually a little part of our soul. Mine went to you when you were born and yours came to me, but we still kept separate. That is why the bond is fairly simple to break: all it will take is a small ritual to merge them back with the rest of our souls.”

“Souls,” Alec repeats slowly, trying to connect this to what he knows of magic. He puts a hand over his parabatai rune. “I already have a soul bond. I have a parabatai.”

“Ah yes,” Magnus nods, looking like he’s swallowed something sour. “I don’t know that much about your lore, but I believe that ritual is similar, though also different in nature. You and your parabatai exchanged a sliver of your soul. Of course, thanks to the rune, it went directly from one body to the other, so there wasn’t the chance for minis to form.”

“So if Jace and I had, say, taken the oath but not the rune, we’d have mini-us running around?” Alec asks out of curiosity.

“Quite possibly, though I don’t know enough about Nephilim magic to be sure,” Magnus answers. He sounds annoyed, almost, as if the subject bores him. Or rather, as if it disturbs him.

“Sorry, back to the point,” Alec says, embarrassed. “So the bond is easy to break. And the pieces of souls are a gift?”

“No, not exactly,” Magnus answers. He takes a breath, as if steeling himself. “If two soulmates find each other and...fall in love, they are offered a choice. See, most warlocks’ soulmates are mortals, because most people are mortal. So if the soulmates choose to, they can use another ritual where, instead of absorbing their own soul back into their bodies, they absorb each other’s. It allows them to share strengths, weaknesses, emotions. Characteristics, too.”

“Like the parabatai bond,” Alec says.

Magnus nods curtly. “I suppose. But in this case, the warlock’s soulmate will also share their magic. And their immortality. That’s the gift. A warlock’s life is a lonely life. This gives us the chance to be with someone forever.”

Alec takes a sharp intake of breath, finally measuring exactly what he’s asking Magnus to do. He curses himself for coming here so uninformed.

“Of course, it has to be the choice of the mortal soulmate, first and foremost,” Magnus continue without looking at him. “And you should not feel pressured to change your choice, Alexander. I understand very well that a Nephilim wouldn’t want to be tied to a warlock he’s never met before today, especially since you already have other...obligations. I will prepare the ritual to break the bond.”

He makes to stand, but Alec reaches out over the coffee table and catches his wrist. “Magnus, if we go through with this, what will happen to you?”

Magnus finally looks at him and swallows, a sad smile on his face. “Nothing, Alexander. You do not need to concern yourself for me. I will let him–” he points at mini-Alec “–go, and I will go on with my life as I always have.”

Alec may not be good at deciphering other people’s faces, but he has known this face his whole life. He knows how to read it. Despite his tight control, Magnus can’t completely hide the fact that his voice is choked with tears – or that mini-Magnus is openly weeping, curled into a ball. Mini-Alec is patting his back hesitantly, like he doesn’t know what to do.

Which reflects what Alec feels fairly accurately.

Magnus has lived for hundreds of years alone – or rather, outlived everyone he loved, which sounds even worse – and now he’s looking into the eyes of his only hope for lasting love, who he’s apparently been waiting to meet since Alec was born, and Alec is asking him to give it up. All for his parents’ wishes, his duty to the Clave. His loveless, doomed marriage.

Alec...Alec thinks he could love Magnus. He does love Magnus already, in a way. He loves this tiny, mute version of Magnus who has been his trusted companion for all his life, more than he ever dared to admit to himself.

And if he does this, he’ll also be giving up this chance. This may be the only chance he has at living a life that feels true to him, at loving someone who will love him back in the same way. A hard, maybe impossible path, if he were to choose it, but if he goes through with the ritual, that path will be closed for him forever.

“I can’t do this,” he decides. “I just...I don’t see a way that the two of us would work, but I can’t ask you to break the bond.”

Mini-Magnus chokes on his tears and stares at Alec with wide eyes. Magnus sags, but not in relief. “Alexander, if you’re somehow trying to sacrifice your happiness for me–”

“No, no,” Alec corrects him. “I mean, I don’t want you to lose this...whatever it is you’d be losing, but...it’s not just about you.” His mini counterpart nods sagely and opens his arms to hug mini-Magnus.

“You’re about to marry a woman you love, Alexander. You’ve only just met me. I shouldn’t count in your decision.”

“That’s just it,” Alec breathes. “I don’t love Lydia.”

Magnus freezes. “What?”

“I don’t. I’m…” Alec hesitates. It’s not something he’s ever revealed to anyone before, and telling a near-stranger could have dangerous consequences, but then his and Magnus’ mini-selves are currently lying in each other’s arms on the table. Magnus has got to at least suspect it already. “I’m gay. I’ll never love her that way. It’s an arranged marriage.”

Magnus looks stricken. His mini version leaves mini-Alec’s arms and tugs on Alec’s fingers to be let into the protection of his hand. Alec has to force himself to unclench his fist and let him in. He strokes the mini’s back gently, unsure how to comfort him or his full-sized counterpart.

“It’s a solid partnership,” Alec rambles when Magnus has gone a little too long without saying anything. “Together, we can run the Institute. We can be good for each other. Lydia’s already lost the love of her life, and I can’t...I can’t have what I want.”

“And what is it that you want, Alexander?” Magnus asks, a dangerous edge in his voice. But his mini version is watching Alec with what can only be described as puppy eyes, so it’s not very effective.

“I can’t marry a guy, even less a warlock,” Alec explains. “I have a duty to the Clave, and to my family. They’ll never stand for this.”

“But if you didn’t have those obligations?” Magnus asks. “You could?”

“Does it matter? I’m a Shadowhunter. You’re a warlock. We can’t–” Alec trails off with a desperate gesture.

Magnus nods curtly. “I see.”

“No, you don’t,” Alec murmurs almost against himself. “What I want doesn’t matter, but...it doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t want to, in another world.”

“In another world,” Magnus echoes. He stares at the wall behind Alec, lost in thought. Mini-Alec comes up to mini-Magnus and holds out his arms again. They curl up together in Alec’s hand.

Alec takes the opportunity to really look at Magnus. He’s a beautiful man, even more than his mini ever let him suspect – the mini’s baby face is more cute than handsome. His eyes are currently brown rather than golden and cat-like, but Alec has never met a warlock who didn’t hide their mark. He suspects that the minis aren’t able to.

He wonders what Magnus’ magic looks like. What his skin would feel like under his thumb, what his lips would taste like. He finds himself wanting to kiss them…

What the fuck, Alec? he chastises himself. This isn’t what he came here for, at all. He’s getting married to Lydia tomorrow, and he’s not about to cheat on her. Not even with his  _ soulmate _ .

“I can think of a third option,” Magnus says after a long moment.

Alec shakes himself out of his day-dreaming. “What?”

“I’ve been waiting for you for twenty-three years,” Magnus says. “No, the truth is I’ve been waiting for over four hundred years for my soulmate. I can wait a few more years. You could marry this Lydia but keep the bond. We could get to know each other. As friends, I mean. And some time from now, when your position with the Clave is more solid, and it’s been an appropriate amount of time, you could reevaluate, and decide whether it would be worth getting a divorce and exploring...us. Or another relationship, I suppose. What I mean is that your marriage doesn’t have to be forever.”

Alec pauses. Divorce isn’t unheard of, or even really uncommon among Shadowhunters, but he’s never actually considered the option. When his parents announced that they were going to find him a wife, he took it as a forever thing, and he and Lydia have never discussed the future past them working together to secure the New York Institute, and their ideas to improve relationships with the Downworld.

“You are young, Alexander,” Magnus says. “You have your whole life ahead of you. There can be space in it for more than one thing, more than one person.”

Alec hesitates. “It hardly seems fair to ask you to wait if it might be for nothing.”

Magnus looks at mini-Alec who is watching him curiously between Alec’s fingers. “I’ll take it,” he says. “I’d rather have that hope than losing you entirely.”

“Even if I might break your heart?” Alec asks.

Magnus nods. “Better than wondering forever about what could have been.”

His tone is bittersweet and hopeful, and Alec can’t help feeling buoyed by it. He doesn’t even know Magnus, and yet there’s something there, something that he’d like to explore. It’s been a long time since he’s felt excited about anything.

“Besides, platonic soulmates aren’t unheard of,” Magnus adds. “We could end up friends. To me, it would still be worth it.”

Alec runs it through his head. Would it be fair to Lydia? It wouldn’t be cheating, not really. He’ll need to tell her, he supposes. Hiding taking care of mini-Magnus from his siblings is one thing, but it might be hard to hide it from his wife. She doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would be freaked out by this. He could even tell Jace and Izzy, eventually.

Getting to know Magnus is something Alec is starting to really want.

“I–this could work,” he says. “We could make this work. I think. I can’t promise you anything, but–”

“I’m not asking you to,” Magnus smiles – and it’s his first real smile.

Magnus’ smile is beautiful. It imprints in Alec’s eyes so hard that he’s sure he’ll be able to see it behind his eyelids for days.

He smiles back, tentatively.

Mini-Magnus gives mini-Alec a peck on the cheek, who then jumps off Alec’s hand.

“Look, uh…” Alec reaches into his pocket with his other hand. “Here’s an invitation to the wedding. You can come or… I don’t know, I feel like you should get some kind of choice, too. So you decide what you want to do, and if you show up tomorrow, then we could see...where that leads us.”

Magnus takes the invitation between two fingers, barely glancing at it before locking eyes with Alec. “Thank you, Alexander,” he whispers, as mini-Alec climbs back up his chest and nestles himself in the crook of his neck, hugging him with his little arms.

Mini-Magnus watches his little companion go, and strokes his cheek against Alec’s palm, his spiked up hair tickling the base of his thumb. “Yeah buddy, I love you too,” Alec murmurs like he’s done so many times when mini-Magnus clearly needed comfort, momentarily forgetting Magnus’ presence in the room. A delicate cough makes him blush deeply.

Rather than apologizing, he offers Magnus a shy smile and is gifted with a beautiful grin in return.

Maybe this will all work out, after all.

And maybe, Alec lets himself day-dream, maybe if Magnus shows up tomorrow, he’ll make that rash, brave decision that he’s barely starting to entertain and follow his heart.

Maybe that will change everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos make my day! I'd love to hear your thoughts. I'm also on [Tumblr](https://emma-arthur.tumblr.com/) if you want to chat.


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